Baltimore: Another Hurdle-then The Weekend

Here is the News, ripped from the headlines of reality, and pieced together, bit by bit by bit, and reported to us by a very unreliable source

We are hurdling over the midweek and headed straight for the finish line..Friday...stepping off into the Weekend. So you know what today is right? Hump Day!!!!.. and in Baltimore..If You Riot, They Won't Come... Due to the riots, the Baltimore Orioles will play a closed game at their stadium today against Chicago White Soxs. No Fans will be allowed, No rioters or Peanut boys in the Gallery tossing bags or bricks.

Those New Apple Wrist Watches may not be what you think? According to Apple, wrists tattoos affect the working of the wrist watch.
Tattooed wrists can prevent the Apple Watch's heart rate sensor from functioning properly, according to some customers.

Since the Apple (AAPL, Tech30) Watch uses your heart rate to determine whether you're wearing it, you might not be able to use Apple Pay, receive notifications, place calls, or use certain apps if you have tattoos on your wrists.
Some Apple Watch wearers on Reddit and Twitter complained about the tattoo issue, and Apple blog iMore confirmed that the problem exists.

Robotics : A New High Entertainment Commodity

Look for Robotic Pole Dancers to become a thing of the futureFor those Gentlemen club owners, this could be a big boost, as customers would not be playing touchy feely with the dancers-because Robotics would send out a 10,000 watt electrical charge dealing with any unruly advance. Question will be, where will you stuff the dollar bills?

More Hillary News...The Clinton Foundation released information the other day saying they made a mistake on their tax returns, and somehow mixed donors up with grants when they filed their returns. Now another glitch in the Clinton legacy...Clinton Foundation Failed to Disclose 1,100 Foreign Donations...





WH, DOJ, DHS...THE THREE AMIGOS

What do we Know about Politics?

Only one-in-three Americans knows how many women serve on the Supreme Court, but 91 percent can identify Martin Luther King Jr., 47 years after his assassination.

That’s according to the latest Pew Research Center News IQ survey released Tuesday, which tests how well the American public knows the world in words, maps and pictures. Further it was revealed that one out of three Thought Pinnochio looked alot like President Obama

Question and Answer Session:

What will President Obama be doing after he leaves the White House in Jan 2017? After turning over the keys to a new President, He will be packed and headed off someplace. Question is where? Speculation he will move to NY to teach at Columbia University..or he may start his own Moving Service called White House Movers..





Sticks and Stones will Break Your Bones, and Cops will Hurl those Too...
Baltimore PD officer observed lobbing a stone back at Protesters during Monday night rioting in Baltimore. The City Council apologized to the Rioters stating that the actions of the police were uncalled for. Later the City Council offered Baltimore Brick company a lucrative contract for bricks that could be used to pave city streets and for future rioting.


Speaking of Baltimore: I want to include this poem I wrote in reference to the stuff going on in that city.

Baltimore: Burning Sunset

Look at the streets, the nights on fire, burning tires

and heated hate

Look at the city, the winds of discontent blow

the tide of vengeance over flows

You be the batons, the riot shields and gas canister flashes

I'll be the ski masks

with Signs I can't breathe

and shouting mantras I won't yield

The sun is burning, the city is turning

into a storm of agitation

into a town of degradation

I am not dead, I am not dead

Avenge me

as the memory that lies resting in your head

Look at the skies, all on fire, 

the smoke of anger

fueled by hatred's desire

The lines in the street, drawn, 

the bricks being thrown

the cars being demolished

the faces

unknown

Come to the city

wear your ski mask and disguise

the mayor's given you a promise

of space to make your stand

and violence to make your demands

The city is burning, as the sun sets

in the west,

the police are waiting

for their chance to arrest

and Freddy is resting

in a grave 

where his memory is stomped on

Is this the battle you want to fight

in the name of a cause

you continue to drag on?

The city is burning, the city is burning

the city is burning

and the fires of brutality, hate and racism

continue to smolder.

That pretty much sums up today's news fluff and stuff, suited for your Wednesday morning Coffee Klatch. All stories again, ripped from reality news headlines, and circumvented for humor with a bit of reality----to make you think and laugh hopefully at the same time. Until tomorrow or the next time I can piece together more nonsensical weird stuff pulled from the darkest deepest recesses of my warped speed imagination, May your House be safe from Lions, Tigers, and Bricks

Good Monday Morning..here is the rip and read news for today. President George W Bush had some strong harsh criticisms for President Obama in reference to the Iran nuclear issue and the Middle East saying that the President was naive about Iran, and losing the war against terror organization ISIS. The meeting was with Jewish Donors behind closed doors.Unfortunately, they locked him out.

Misremembered Memories: Now a New NBC Book on the Misremembered War Stories and News Reports of Brian Williams. You will get a great book of Pictures and Quotes from the Embattled News Anchor currently on Unpaid Hiatus. 

Really? They Admitted A Mistake? The Clinton Foundation has admitted it made a mistake on it's tax returns, and supposedly combined government grants and donations. According to Hillary, the foundation, misidentified donors on the tax forms and somehow got grants listed for foreign interests.

SO WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE IF THE DONOR IS A TERRORIST ORGANIZATION OR A PHILANTHROPY DONOR. MONEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING DIFFERENT THAN IT'S GREEN AND MEANT FOR SPENDING. SURE WE MAKE MISTAKES, WE'RE HUMAN...FOR THE MOST PART I ADMIT THOSE THAT I MAKE, AND THE ONES I DON'T, WELL, I DELETE THEM.
*****

Supremes to hear case that could pave way for gay marriage in all 50 states...And according to Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg

It was not a pretty sight in Baltimore Maryland, Saturday night, as thousands of Protesters took to the streets protesting police brutality in the death of Freddy Gray, who died while in police custody. Gray had somehow been injured with serious spinal injuries and died three days later as a result after being arrested by police. The crowds originally went to See Baltimore take on Boston, but decided to have their own 7th Inning Riot Stretch.

When Immigrants come over to America reaching Ellis Island, the one thing that signals freedom is the Statue of Liberty. Yes, Lady Liberty, with her torch held high and those immortals word etched in stone as a welcoming greeting to those seeking a new home and opportunities...

.Look for Batman Vs Superman Dawn of Justice coming in June 2016..Yes another Batman sequel. This one pits Batman against Superman and some Alien Threat to the world. No real synopsis yet for the movie. However...Ben Affleck did beef up for the role...and also if you are into Jedi's...great news...George Lucas and the Estate of Theodor Giesel (Dr Seuss) is teaming up for a new Star Wars Movie...Called Star Wars..The Jedi Cats Out of The Hats

Well on the birthday calendar, Judy Carne is 76. Do you remember her? Think hard. She was the "Sock it To Me " girl on Rowan and Martin's TV series "Laugh In"Ace Frehly of Kiss is 64..Sheena Easton is strutting around at  56

A new Dr Seuss Book will be Released later in the year Commemorating the Obama Administration on its aggressive political policies

Do You Believe Loretta Lynch should be the Attorney General of the United States? Too Late, she was indeed confirmed and inherits a lot of the Civil rights lawsuits and investigations of her Predecessor Eric Holder who had his own scandals in office (Fast and Furious, Eaves Dropping, and other Stuff)Freeze...just kidding, its a fake Fast and Furious gun from a drug cartel I gave to a guy when I was Attorney General, that we arrested after smuggling him illegally across the Texas border and giving him a free education, home, Obama Phone, and other neat baggie items.

That's the news condensed in a Morning breakfast wrap up, totally digestible and easy to swallow. You can also eliminate it by deleting. Thanks for letting me get into your headlines, until tomorrow or the next time I can piece together more stuff from bits and pieces culled from the deepest darkest recesses of my warped speed imagination and ripped off from the headlines news, May your House be Safe from Lions, Tigers, Bears and Comparative Politics for Getting Confirmation Jobs

Green Eggs and Spam and Other Breakfast News Spoilers

It's Sunday..that in itself isn't news...but this news is ripped off from the real stuff that is reported and pieced together by enquiring minds who thought you might like to have your news fluffed up for your coffee klatch.

Is this the Change You Wanted America?  President Obama ran in 2008 under the platform of Change..and a lot has changed since his almost 7 years in the Oval Office..Obamacare health reform was passed, The government shut down once or twice, He Killed Osama Bin laden, and now he is announcing the reformation of a new political party...The TransFormation Party...with Political scientist cloning genes from Democratic and Republican Party Members to make one Party that will be called TransFormation...this is the Result..

now you can turn to reliable TV Guide Viewing for updated movies and what will be showing on the channel. It's C-SPAN, The Movie Guide Channel.

The Political channel is now giving TV Guide a run for its money and will also compete with Netflix and movie downloads, by offering channels with Political movies-and a guide to what will be showing when.

First Press 1 for English on your TV menu settings-dial in C-Span, Wait 30 seconds, re-dial 1 for English again, wait two minutes...and you will see what will be showing in English streaming across the screen.

Offerings this weekend:

 CSPAN Movie Classics Channel 222#--White Water-What Difference Does It Make If We Ride the Tide of Scandals Or not-A Political thriller starring Bill and Hillary Clinton as two prominent political up and comers who have it all and move into the White House and ride the gamut of intrigue, sex, and political Scandal.

 News Alert!! Mexico has just announced it has run out of mules---In a related development, the Republican Party has just tabled a new measure before Congress to deport all Democrats to Mexico in their Free Mule Amnesty Program.

Food for Thought: Michelle Obama's school lunches leave a lot to be desired. According to reports, typical lunches cost $2.40 for the kids, with very minimum portions and kids are leaving school hungry. Most kids are refusing to eat the meal. The program is supposed to be supporting healthy foods with nutrition considered to be the main objective in fighting obesity.

 The first lady of course doesn't follow course. 

The Student Government Association was promoting a Straight Pride week at Youngstown Ohio University, but the posters contained some coarse language and had to be removed. Here is what the posters originally looked like

to the revised poster....

From What's Happening inside The White House Correspondents Dinner to what's Happening on the Streets of Baltimore:

SEE, IF I WERE ON THE STREETS IN BALTIMORE, I'D DISPLAY THIS NIFTY LASER SABER AND DISPENSE SOME MEAN ASS SAUL ALINSKY STREET JUSTICE, BUT AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, MY MAIN CONCERN IS MY SAFETY, AND THIS CORRESPONDENTS DINNER, AND I HAVE THIS SABER TO DISPENSE JOKES.

Secret Service Sketch of an impostor and intruder in the White House..Which One is Really Joe Biden?

THE PROUD, THE FEW, THE BABY WHITE HOUSE FENCE JUMPERS

The Secret Service has just released pictures of a private fence jumping training camp for toddlers, teaching them how to scale impregnable fortress walls and fences

Portions of Today have been Ad libbed from Sequences from President Obama's Teleprompterand wait till  you see what he does at White House Karaoke Nights!

AND THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE:

President Obama has just admitted that he is very dependent on a Teleprompter for every day life

That puts a wrap on this news edition today, of filter headlines, pieced together from fabricated bits of news information by our string reporter Brian Williams, who by the way, swears

until tomorrow or the next time I can pull more headlines from the darkest deepest recesses of my warped speed imagination, May Your House be Safe from Lions, Tigers, Bears, and  Instructional Impromptu Teleprompter Readers

Good Saturday Morning, here is the news ripped from the headlines of Reality and afforded the Brian Williams I Was There Seal of Approval. Portions of Today have been retained by NBC per copyright law, and will be deleted by Chief Senior Censor in Chief Hillary Clinton, upon completed broadcast.

April 25th, Keepsakes from years ago: 

Al Pacino, is turning 75 today. Other Septuagenarians include Singer Bjorn Ulvaeus (ABBA) is 70. Actress Talia Shire is 70..and Renee Zellwegger is 46...she is cute as a button. Remember her as Bridget Jones?

Where the Rubber meets the road...on this date in 1901 NY Governor Benjamin Barker Odell Jr. signed an automobile registration bill which imposed a 15 mph speed limit on highways. The slow speed was imposed in an effort to help Pedestrians and turtles make it across the roadways in a timely manner.

Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish..An Email Deletion course will be taught in the Clinton Foundation Money Counting and Laundry Room at 12 Noon today. Hillary will be speaking on the One Touch Deluxe Delete Button and how effective it is in quickly dumping Unwanted Emails and Government Correspondence not deemed Important.

AND NOW THE STUFF THAT MAKES OUR COFFEE KLATCHES AND WATER COOLER GOSSIP EASIER TO SWALLOW.

FROM BRUCE TO BRUCE ALINA

Diane Sawyer interviewed Bruce Jenner, the US Olympic Decathlon champion, and former hubby and one time member of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, on his upcoming Trans gender change from Decathlon Athlete to Decathlonett...Bruce revealed his new Transgender  TV series Keeping Up with The Bender Gender coming to E! TV and will keep America Updated on the step by step process..he also Revealed he was a Republican. This took a few of those Guys by Surprise..but not John Boehner...Boehner will be releasing his Speaker of the House Congressional Bathing Suit Calendar later this year.

Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi are dropping the sweetener Aspartame out its products over consumer concerns that it is unsafe. The new ingredient being added will be Splenda Laced Coke...

AND THE HEAT GOES ON...More news from the Global Warming Front..

.STUDY: 'GLOBAL WARMING HAS SLOWED'...
CHANGES DUE TO 'NATURAL VARIABILITY'...

CLIMATE MODELS WRONG... Meanwhile Al Gore is releasing his new Polar Ice Cap Liqueur 

THIS CASH FLASH...BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE HILLARY IT'S MY CAMPAIGN FUND MONEY, I NEED MORE OF IT NOW....

MC DONALD'S Shopping out its Hamburger Chain to a Co Franchisee  Ronald's Bag it and Drag Burgers to go....

The New Sleep Number Bed has an additional floatation setting number that will offer you hours of floating sleep

WELCOME TO THE USA--Home of Opened Beer Cans and Unsecured Borders. Cerveza Stands approx 100 yards straight ahead.

HOME ALONE 15  (The UGLY Truth).... with Macaulay Culkin will start filming this week. The movie premise, Macaulay goes to bed as an 8 year, wakes up alone, looks in the Mirror or picture frames, and only family members he sees is himself..a few years Older and Uglier

WOOF BUZZ, REALLY, CAN THAT BE ME? MOM, MOM, I CAN'T BE THIS UGLY TEN YEARS FROM NOW..MOM.....DAD, BUZZ? UNCLE FRANK? AM I THAT UGLY, IS THIS A JOKE?

FROM WASHINGTON, DC WITH LOVE...the New Political Game Show that Points the Finger ..

The Gender Bender issue, or Transgender Issue is a biggie, what do you wear, what kind of lipstick, what kind of makeup, how do you do your nails. If you're a guy changing to a girl, what bra size is appropriate..A girl to a guy, how big a jock strap do you need? Do  you shave or pluck? Do you Wear White After Labor Day? These are questions that need to be answered. Trans genders want to Know..that's why DC Comics is releasing a new Instructional Movie on how to Bend the Gender and Render the Person You Want to be By Amazing Transformations...

That Puts a wrap on this part of the weekend news outlook. Hopefully the headlines weren't too distasteful or hard to swallow with your morning coffee. Remember this stuff is fluffed up and made up in keeping with the finest ethics of journalistic inequality. Until tomorrow or the next time I can pull more of this from the deepest darkest recesses of my warped speed imagination, may your house be safe from Lions, Tigers and Bad Movie Beginnings