Good Saturday Morning, here is the news ripped from the headlines of Reality and afforded the Brian Williams I Was There Seal of Approval. Portions of Today have been retained by NBC per copyright law, and will be deleted by Chief Senior Censor in Chief Hillary Clinton, upon completed broadcast.

April 25th, Keepsakes from years ago: 

Al Pacino, is turning 75 today. Other Septuagenarians include Singer Bjorn Ulvaeus (ABBA) is 70. Actress Talia Shire is 70..and Renee Zellwegger is 46...she is cute as a button. Remember her as Bridget Jones?

Where the Rubber meets the road...on this date in 1901 NY Governor Benjamin Barker Odell Jr. signed an automobile registration bill which imposed a 15 mph speed limit on highways. The slow speed was imposed in an effort to help Pedestrians and turtles make it across the roadways in a timely manner.

Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish..An Email Deletion course will be taught in the Clinton Foundation Money Counting and Laundry Room at 12 Noon today. Hillary will be speaking on the One Touch Deluxe Delete Button and how effective it is in quickly dumping Unwanted Emails and Government Correspondence not deemed Important.

AND NOW THE STUFF THAT MAKES OUR COFFEE KLATCHES AND WATER COOLER GOSSIP EASIER TO SWALLOW.

FROM BRUCE TO BRUCE ALINA

Diane Sawyer interviewed Bruce Jenner, the US Olympic Decathlon champion, and former hubby and one time member of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, on his upcoming Trans gender change from Decathlon Athlete to Decathlonett...Bruce revealed his new Transgender  TV series Keeping Up with The Bender Gender coming to E! TV and will keep America Updated on the step by step process..he also Revealed he was a Republican. This took a few of those Guys by Surprise..but not John Boehner...Boehner will be releasing his Speaker of the House Congressional Bathing Suit Calendar later this year.

Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi are dropping the sweetener Aspartame out its products over consumer concerns that it is unsafe. The new ingredient being added will be Splenda Laced Coke...

AND THE HEAT GOES ON...More news from the Global Warming Front..

.STUDY: 'GLOBAL WARMING HAS SLOWED'...
CHANGES DUE TO 'NATURAL VARIABILITY'...

CLIMATE MODELS WRONG... Meanwhile Al Gore is releasing his new Polar Ice Cap Liqueur 

THIS CASH FLASH...BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE HILLARY IT'S MY CAMPAIGN FUND MONEY, I NEED MORE OF IT NOW....

MC DONALD'S Shopping out its Hamburger Chain to a Co Franchisee  Ronald's Bag it and Drag Burgers to go....

The New Sleep Number Bed has an additional floatation setting number that will offer you hours of floating sleep

WELCOME TO THE USA--Home of Opened Beer Cans and Unsecured Borders. Cerveza Stands approx 100 yards straight ahead.

HOME ALONE 15  (The UGLY Truth).... with Macaulay Culkin will start filming this week. The movie premise, Macaulay goes to bed as an 8 year, wakes up alone, looks in the Mirror or picture frames, and only family members he sees is himself..a few years Older and Uglier

WOOF BUZZ, REALLY, CAN THAT BE ME? MOM, MOM, I CAN'T BE THIS UGLY TEN YEARS FROM NOW..MOM.....DAD, BUZZ? UNCLE FRANK? AM I THAT UGLY, IS THIS A JOKE?

FROM WASHINGTON, DC WITH LOVE...the New Political Game Show that Points the Finger ..

The Gender Bender issue, or Transgender Issue is a biggie, what do you wear, what kind of lipstick, what kind of makeup, how do you do your nails. If you're a guy changing to a girl, what bra size is appropriate..A girl to a guy, how big a jock strap do you need? Do  you shave or pluck? Do you Wear White After Labor Day? These are questions that need to be answered. Trans genders want to Know..that's why DC Comics is releasing a new Instructional Movie on how to Bend the Gender and Render the Person You Want to be By Amazing Transformations...

That Puts a wrap on this part of the weekend news outlook. Hopefully the headlines weren't too distasteful or hard to swallow with your morning coffee. Remember this stuff is fluffed up and made up in keeping with the finest ethics of journalistic inequality. Until tomorrow or the next time I can pull more of this from the deepest darkest recesses of my warped speed imagination, may your house be safe from Lions, Tigers and Bad Movie Beginnings